Doris
2 packages Irish Whiskey-Flavored Hostess Mostess Twinklees
4 conventionally dressed oranges without navels
1 quart conventional orange juice made from real Nicaraguan oranges with navels and Uzis
2 conventional heads Alaskan iceberg lettuce --- no taste guaranteed or money back special
2 conventional big dick sized cucumbers with seeds and hard, bitter skins
1 bottle Joanne Woodward’s Favorite Southern Tea beverage Bourbon flavored
4 lbs farm-raised Chuck from pasteurized cloned cows
Special Rosa Parks issue of Oprah magazine for Women coming with CD, DVD, VCR & anti-avian flu toxin.
1 package Moby Dick white chocolate ice cream bars, free harpoon included
3 giant sized boxes gourmet Oreos with crème de la crème centers
1 Jumbo bag Original Ray Lay’s Pepperoni Pizza Ripple potato
chips with Real American farm-raised Cheese under the scrutiny of Whale
Foods and Father Patrick Mc Sweeney
1 gallon pasteurized New York State extra creamy milk extracted from Grade A American Cows bred in Vieques.
1 package Whale Foods chocolate donuts, Special without holes.
1 package Big Beautiful & Blessed Bertie O’Malley’s
™ homemade, farm-raised unconventional bagels with real raison
d’etres
1 loaf genuine old style Persian camel bread with open sesame seeds.
1 jar pure unadulterated genuine Southern peanut butter on sale (Remembering Jimmy Carter Special)
3 conventional pale tomatoes languishing from pesticides
7 unconventional cry-free onions
1% fat-free goat butter (Special)
12 pack Diet Coke
1 package Sweet n Low
1 package fried pork wing-dings
1 jar Whale Foods Own spicy marinara sauce with real green peppers and onions (on sale).
1 jar Bangor Maine seafood jelly with juicy starfish extracts (on sale).
3 desiccated generically tortured chickens with skins: Special of the Month!
1 pint conventional heavy cream, 20% extra fat included
1 bottle extra-strength TENDER TUMS ™
12 packages Kiddy Poo disposable diapers with melting safety pins
Mitzi
12 pack organic diet cola
3 pints Whale Foods organic Californian carrot sticks
7 cans Tofu-Temptee Organic Treats for Small Dogs™
3 packages organic-enriched tofu for adults, medium soft
2 lbs. organic broccoli rabbis (Pareve), grown under the supervision of Rabbi Nachman
2 packages Newman’s Own Organic Linguine™ on sale, proceeds to go to Llamas in Distress
3 Variety flavored packages Newman’s Own Lingerie for Women for Peace who Love Horses™
3 lbs Grade A imitation grain-fed upper New York State farm-raised salmon fingers
1 pint non-fat, low sodium, milk fed, cow-free organic heavy cream
1 gallon organic soy milk Lite in moderation
2 packages Famous Whale Foods No Endangered Species Flavored Tofu, soft
1 gallon fat-free, sugar-free, taste-free, totally free Newman’s
Own organic vanilla ice cream with organic vanilla has beans, 1% of
proceeds going to Save the Horse org.
3 lbs organic Mexican mesculin with jumping beans and sprouts
1 package Whale Foods Woodstock Special organic, vegan, gluten-free brown rice
3 organic Tasmanian tomatoes made by three genuine, unexterminated Aborigines
1 bottle authenticated imported organic Sicilian olive oil made from unadulterated virgins
Fall issue The Animal Activist: Special on The Plight of the Fijian Sea-worm
1 package Whale Foods organic oat bran flax seed cereal with organic elderberry bits and other anti-toxins
1 package organic prunes from the moors of Madagascar
1 package fat-free soy butter with real almond pieces
3 cans organic Lebanese lentil soup with the possibility of dung beetle shards
24 cans Whale Foods organic kosher pork and liver tofu cat food